Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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