he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
