did you get engaged???
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
