I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
