two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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