If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
