too bad you live with your parents still
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
