Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
