she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i now understand why vodka
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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