i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
