im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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