turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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