Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
