is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
