You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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