okay pat passed out under dana's car
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
