And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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