its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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