I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
