ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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