i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
