I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
