I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
