So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
