Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
