Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
