So drunk its hurt
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
