I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
