Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
