Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
