You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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