you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
