Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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