I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
