A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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