allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
