Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
