Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
