Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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