remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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