you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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