i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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