Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is Oprah even human
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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