i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you had me at cake vodka
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
