apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
