no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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