i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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