He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
