I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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