I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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