Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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