You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
