He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
