I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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