My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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