I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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