so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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