Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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