yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
