Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
