I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
