sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
