i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
