How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
what day is it and did you see me today?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
