summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
