The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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